Re-entry

Since we’ve been home everyone asks— are you glad to be back?

Well of course I am, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that I missed being abroad. 

There were many things that were great about being away for three months. It was sort of like being in college again, where you had loving family members back at home paying the bills so you could have “the best years of your life.” God Bless Taylor for not only agreeing to the whole thing, but for lovingly supporting us financially and otherwise while we did this adventure without him. It takes a strong dad to allow his children to have “memories of a lifetime” that don’t include him.

I was not a Francophile before I left. Now I am one of those obnoxious people who thinks most of what is great about the planet resides in France. And I’m not talking about Paris, where everyone goes and is instantaneously smitten. I was discussing this just today with someone who had traveled extensively in France— there is so much to see and do there. The various regions, geographically, culturally and historically, provide you with much of what you need to know about the world. Look no further than France. Sorry— now I am one of those obnoxious people.

Today my boys noticed a new hue of blue on the front of our maritime museum— “oh I love it mom, it looks like the ocean in Antibes.” Yes boys, the Cote d’Azur. I have ruined every other beach in their future by taking them there. Their longing for Antibes has been heart wrenching at times. When they reminisce about summer camp or the beach house, I love that they have a fondness for the places we go together year after year. I can’t put my finger on the reasons they loved Antibes so much, but I have a sadness that we can’t return there so easily. 

And of course I miss the food and wine. I was fortunate to be invited to a reception aboard the French navy ship Mistral the other evening and the menu featured amazing cheeses and bread I have searched for here in vain. Right now I am getting a dough together to try to emulate a decent baguette. This was a labor undertaken months before our trip and I approach the same now with a new sense of urgency.

I am so happy to be together as a family, and I do feel more complete with my husband. I need a partner in the undertaking of parenthood and I love that someone has my back again. Nevertheless, there was that intimacy I had with my boys during our trip that their father and their friends now intrude upon. We had a good little routine going. I can’t explain it other than to say I enjoyed being with my kids on my terms. 

And speaking of my terms— it did take some adjustment to sharing decision making and — yes— control— with someone else after three months of calling the shots on my own. I rather liked being in charge, to be honest. Now Taylor would tell you that I still think I’m in charge, but that is another story. As my friends know, I take little solace in letting someone else take over. I have calmed down since the initial week after our return, but I was fighting quite a bit before I could get comfortable with sharing power —and parenting— again.

Getting into a routine at home has been difficult so far, but only because we came back at such a crazy time. Samuel needed to return to school for testing, so I thought it would only be fair to keep up with homeschooling the other two during these last two weeks. Poor Samuel needed to take the Algebra SOL. I was a nervous wreck because I had been responsible for covering all of the required material through my homeschool curriculum, and I am terrified by algebra. I had another disadvantage as his teacher because I had no idea what material would be on the test— no “teaching to the test” here. I was afraid I hadn’t covered everything, but he passed the first try. The littles are bored because we finish our homeschool as usual at noon, but instead of parks and sightseeing in the afternoons, they get Home Depot and Costco. I had stocked up on everything before I left so Taylor wouldn’t need to deal with toilet bowl cleaner and lightbulbs— but Good Lord— the house was in need of everything when I returned. He had two rolls of toilet paper left from my stockpile! Very serious indeed! Add to that all of the doctor visits that were due and it’s been very busy and very boring.

I’ve also been plagued with a nesting craze second only to during my pregnancies. Immediately when I returned home, I started thinking of things that needed cleaning, planting, repainting, fixing or recovering. I am sure Taylor was counting on our credit card bills going down when I got home, not up. Poor guy. Not only that, but after living with so little for three months, I can’t understand why we have so much crap. At least Taylor is a fan of tossing out the old, so I’ve been getting lots of support. The pile of junk for the thrift store pick up this Friday is embarrassing. The neighbors are going to think someone is moving out or dead.

To echo my “wrapping it up” post from one of my last trip journals, I’m not totally sure I can say how the trip changed me or what my big “take-aways ”were. I cautioned family members not to ask the kids too many questions when we got back, but instead, to let the boys digest the trip a little bit and allow them to tell stories as they became ready. Too many adults asking the same questions, and the boys’ responses start sounding more and more apathetic… “How was your trip? …fine. Say something in French… quelque chose. What was your favorite part?… Antibes. Why?…I dunno.” Instead, I felt pressure to give insightful answers or justify the trip— the time, money and energy, or I get worried I’ll sound too braggadocios or privileged, or if I say I miss it, people will wonder about my marriage. So for now I just say- “yes, I am glad to be back.” 

In reality, I am just astounded that we did it. What an amazing trip. 

Through all of the ups and downs and the behavior issues and the logistics, and the moments of self doubt and mommy guilt, I cannot believe it worked. It accomplished so much more than I imagined it would and it was just great. And I hope I can orchestrate my life so that I can do more astounding things with our family.