My Kids are Rock Stars

Wrapping it Up, Part 1:

 

I am not one to FaceBrag. You’re not seeing my kids going to LAX jamborees or making it to Allstars. Having attended small Montessori schools, there’s no concert pix or spelling bees. 

No, for some reason, despite two go-getter parents, my kids seem to opt out of most organized efforts to get them out of the house. 

But my kids are Rock Stars nonetheless and this trip has really made me aware of how awesome they are. They have made big efforts on this trip, ones that I know have helped them expand their horizons and lift their confidence. It’s not just early trains and busy travel schedules. In Antibes they spoke another language and made friends. They learned their way around new towns and adapted to new schedules. In Paris and London, they overcame their anxieties about getting around in big cities with lots of strangers. They learned how to wander a little without knowing what would happen next.

They have also learned to rely on each other. I know we all say that we want our kids to be best friends with each other some day, but waht are the experiences that form those bonds? On this trip, we’ve all had to help each other out, stick up for each other and get through challenges together. Making mistakes on this trip had real, immediate consequences. I am not sure how I could have given my kids these lessons at home. We have very few “sink or swim” moments in our cushy lives at home and the risks are never perceived as that grave for them. I didn’t intend for them to suffer on this trip, and of course I managed their risks, but this was real. 

Back when Cooper was really little, he would get confused about what was from TV or from a video game and what was real. He would yell at us (because he always yells like a belligerent drunk man) “wait— is this in THIS world?” It became a code word of sorts with my kids. We can say this trip happened in THIS world.

It’s interesting how things come full circle. In my early career, I championed experiential education. I could never have dreamed that I would live that out through the education of my own children.

There are more things I appreciate about my children.

Of course they are total bookworms. The main thing dragging us down on this three month campaign to "live with less" has been books. Despite the kindles and passing books off to every English bookstore we encounter, we are carting around about 30lbs of books. I sent a bunch home with Taylor. I bought another one yesterday. I cannot keep these kids in books. I thought buying books in French would slow them down- Nope. Even Cooper was reading a French language Asterix book the other day. These kids!

They love history— and what a great place to feed that interest! Like most kids, their minds are like sponges, but then they’re so extroverted that they walk around everywhere we go talking about facts and stories about each place so much that people start following them around like tour guides. Cooper was talking to the guide on the Tourist Bus so much, the guy started repeating things Cooper told him on the microphone. At first I dissuaded them, I thought my kids were annoying other people. I don’t want my boys to think all the world is a stage and everyone wants to see them perform. But now I don’t get so upset about it. People don’t seem to mind, and when they are sick of my kids, they let them know. 

They are smart. I remember after one of our doctors’ appointments where Samuel was tested AGAIN, and they were going over the results with me, I downplayed the findings on intelligence and focused more on the behaviors. "No," I was told, “this is part of the behavior, this is different and you need to pay attention.” I never wanted to be one of those parents who talks about how smart their kids are— all kids are smart, or as I once told Samuel, “yeah, there are a lot of really smart people in jail”—but high intelligence is a blessing and a curse. I spend an inordinate amount of time mitigating behavior rather than nurturing their intelligence. As a parent, that’s easier, less intimidating. This trip provided so many opportunities for my kids to “fill in the blanks” with their observations and learn in a non-linear way. 

They are fun. They have great imaginations and love to play. Nothing makes them happier than some sticks and a little room. They have accused me of not having enough fun with them, and yeah- that hurts a little. I have always wanted to be a fun mom. I have tried a little harder to let go, be imaginative with them and laugh more. And though I have had a lot of fun, this hasn't exactly been a vacation for me-- I think they'll understand that more when they get older and look back at this trip.

My friends wondered if I would need a break from my kids after all of this time. My boys don’t drive me crazy, it’s everything else; that’s why I called this blog “A Short Trip FROM Crazy.” It was quite a luxury to spend this much time with my kids.

It was an intimate time that reminded me of those first weeks of their lives when you are at home with them all of the time. You don’t go out with your friends, you don’t take on projects, you just stay home with your baby.  If the world is kind to you, they don’t expect that much of you because you are supposed to do nothing but stay at home with your newborn. I had no other obligations beyond the immediate needs of my kids for three months. Taylor was kind to me and didn’t expect much more from me than that.

I will be forever grateful for this time I had to reclaim that intimacy and devote my attention to them.

It will be interesting to see how re-entry goes after spending so much time together, giving my children my undivided attention. I won't be in total control anymore (I'll have to share that with Taylor again), I won't be in constant planning mode, and I will finally be in familiar surroundings. My kids will return to their coveted routines that they missed so much and I wonder if they'll like it as much when normalcy is their only option.

As far as closure goes, I've more to post. But as I pack for the last time, repacking all of the tangible baggage we've picked up along the way, I am feeling a little less crazy and very proud of my boys. No matter what the world has to say about what they've done, how much they've learned or who they are, I know that they are rock stars and I am their biggest fan.